For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 3:27-28
So often I find myself questioning if I'm a good mother or a good wife. Am I appreciated? If I were gone, what would be missing in my household? I have to admit that deep down, I hope that there is a huge, gaping hole in my absence. Deep down, I want my husband to believe that his life would be unbearably difficult without me. Deep down, I want my children to long for my hugs every moment that I'm away. Sometimes, the world tells me that these are reasonable desires, that feeling this way just means I care.
Really, though, what it means is I am staking my happiness in things that will ultimately disappoint me. I am looking for myself in my family being satisfied with me and the work I do. Turns out, however, that my husband and kids are human beings. (*Gasp!* I know, right?!)
By nature my family (especially the two year old) is not very easily satisfied. It doesn't matter if the work I do for them comes from the deepest, purest part of my heart where I genuinely want to offer up myself for the advancement of their health and happiness. They certainly aren't satisfied when I'm just plain tired and grumpy and I heat up hot dogs for dinner because I just plain don't want to do anything at all. I fail my family daily and when I see myself in just those moments, I am buried in shame and guilt.
Now, hear this: I am not trying to make my husband out to be some ungrateful leech, because he's not. He's just an imperfect person like me. If I look for my identity in every "thank you" from him, or in the rare unsolicited kiss from my children, the reflection I will see will be a disheartened and spiritually malnourished shell of a woman.
But there's good news. There is always, always good news. Jesus has me. He offers me His identity. All that work, all that guilt and shame, all the heated up hot dogs, all the times I raised my voice, every instance I thought I deserved a "thank you" are covered under Jesus' finished work on the cross. Jesus' innocence and beauty are the mounds of fresh, white fallen snow over the human, muddy mess in my home.
Through His salvation, Jesus offered us a new identity. Not just a fresh start so that we can mess it up all over again. His salvation is a protective helmet placed upon our heads to mark a people as His own and to show others who our King is. When you see a Roman soldier in full armor in your favorite historical movie, the first thing you look at is that iconic, brilliant red plume round the top of his helmet. You know that guy is Roman, that he's tough, that he belongs to a brotherhood, that he is important because he represents an empire. Our brilliant red plume is the blood of Jesus, spilled for us in order to make us like him: strong in faith, loyal friends until the bitter end, and representatives of God's kingdom here on Earth. (See Ephesians 6:10-20)
Jesus came to found God's Church and make it His bride. Wedding photographers always make sure to have a camera aimed at the groom the moment his bride walks in so they can catch that once in a lifetime smile on his face as he sees the love of his life in a whole new light. That's the moment I get to live in as a Christian. Jesus is looking at me in a sparkling white gown, his heart filling up with love, knowing His bride is the right choice, and I guarantee you he's grinning from ear to ear. That bride, that is who I am.
Add to this moment the Father, in a constant state of pride and righteous jealousy for my affections. For all eternity He will see me exactly as a brand new daddy holding His baby girl for the first time. Is there any second quite so sweet as laying eyes on a tiny face, so fresh and untouched by this world? That's me, that daughter with no understanding of His love, because when He sees me He is gazing down into the face of His only Son in whose work He is fully satisfied.
Add one more time to this moment, the Holy Spirit. He is counting my tears and comforting me with the perfect sympathy of a best friend on my worst day. As my shoulders heave and the sobs can't be stifled, He is there to squeeze me tight and tell me it's all right, it's taken care of, Jesus paid it all. I am inexplicably joyful to be that weepy mess as long as His arms are around me.
So I will take on the identity God has given me. I am a beautiful bride, a newly adopted daughter, and an old friend, only so long as it is Jesus Christ who makes me those things, which incidentally is forever.
For in him the whole fullness of Deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority.
Colossians 2:9-10
No comments:
Post a Comment