Because He First Loved Us

My last post was about breastfeeding, but it also focused a lot on judgment between women. This is a hot topic right now. You don’t have to search your Facebook feed long before you see an open letter or blog post to moms asking them to stop being so critical. I asked that of my readers as well. 

But I think there’s a problem on the other end of the spectrum. At what point do women begin to hold each other accountable? I truly believe women are meant to speak into each other’s lives. God made people to live in communities. God makes life easier by giving us our villages.

That is, life would be easier if we would actually live in community the way God called us to. I find myself longing for deeper, better relationships with the women in my life, and I know women who so willingly offer themselves to me as resources of wisdom, friendship, and encouragement. So, why is it so hard to take them up on their offers?

In Romans 7:15-25, Paul laments about wanting to do what is right and not doing it, about hating the so many wrong things he does do. Not only is this relatable, but it shows me the real problem. God has made me a new creation, but my flesh seeks to keep me in my old, sinful ways. I am not even united with myself, so surely it’s going to be even more difficult to unite with women outside of myself.

Nevertheless, I’m determined. I know it’s possible. Throughout the gospels (Luke 8:1-3, Matthew 27:55-56, Matthew 28:1-10) we see that women followed Jesus together. They left behind sin, watched their Savior die, and visited His grave where they heard the good news: that Jesus had risen from the dead. They did all these things together.

What we really have to wonder now, is what did these women have in common? What knits them into a community? I can’t see many commonalities between the mother of Jesus, a former prostitute, or a woman from the household of Herod. No, what brought them together was Jesus himself.

“I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them.” John 17:26

Jesus prayed to the Father, desperately hoping that we would know the love and unity that He knows with the Father. Jesus wants that unity with us and He wants us to have it with each other.

I see how our society views relationships between women. Your TV will show you women sitting around, drinking wine, complaining about men and other women. And, really, maybe these “besties” are united. They display a feminine solidarity of “sisters before misters.” That unity, though, is wasted on gossip and silliness. God sees when we come together for sinful purposes. He created multiple languages to confuse the plans of a people who were of one accord. He did this because they were building the tower of Babel for their own glory rather than being obedient to Him (Genesis 11:1-9). We can be united for the wrong reasons, but God's will for us always prevails in the end. 

So, I want to call women to meaningful, beautiful relationships. I want our friendships to resemble a village of people willing to sacrifice in order to raise our children, dry each other’s tears, and cultivate individual relationships with God. I want to call you to this out of love for you because I know that it is God's will for His daughters to bring glory to Him together. And I call you to this because I've tasted the joy of community among friends and it is sweet.  

“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” 1 John 4:19-21

In an effort to be completely candid with my readers, I’d like to end this post with a confession. As I begin a new chapter in my life as a stay at home mom, I tried to come up with many things that would keep me from being lonely. Of course, God convicted me about pursuing relationships with women in my community who have already been more than willing to nurture a friendship with me. Initially, I ignored this conviction. I brainstormed many other things I could do to keep myself occupied. I thought maybe I could read more books. Maybe I should find a podcast series I was interested in.

Maybe I could write a blog…

Yes, friends, this blog that you’re reading right now was one of my excuses to stay in my house in solitude. God, however, had other plans for me. As I was writing down ideas for blog posts, one of the first that God planted in my mind was one about the need for unity among Christian women.

Yeah. I’m a big, fat hypocrite. That’s okay. God’s working on me and He is using the women around me to do it.